party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
