So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
