you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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