Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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