At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
