Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
