Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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