Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude i'm inner monologue high
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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