i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
