Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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