i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
