I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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