Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
only if we run a train.
done.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
