I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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