Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I love black thongs
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
