I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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