everyone is single if you try hard enough
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
