somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
