I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
