While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
