Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
