i permit you to call me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Randomize
