Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
