Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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