I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
