so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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