My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
