Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
