once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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