There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
