I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
