seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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