Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm too high and old for this...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
