since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
