I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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