My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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