i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't turn off my feet"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
