I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
