Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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