Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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