so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
