The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
