The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
