I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
