to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
