I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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