i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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