I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
