Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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