omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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