I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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