I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
