Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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