This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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