U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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