someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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