Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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