No, drunk sperm still make babies.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
